Which Euro 2016 team are you?

Take our quiz to find out which team you should be supporting at this year’s tournament in France

The glass of water is …

… half empty, but that’s OK because no one is really expecting anything more and, anyway, this gives us a chance to slowly refill it back to its full potential. Before breaking it under the weight of outrageous expectation in a couple of years.

… an irritation which will have to be drunk before it can be filled up with wine.

… precisely half full and precisely half empty, and it would be a shame to take even a drop out of it lest it ruin the perfect symmetry.

… incredibly pure but a bit boring and potentially leaky.

… just happy to be here.

You are lost while driving. What do you do?

Dither uncertainly for an hour or so, before charging forwards at full speed with an equal chance of success or falling off a cliff.

Have a massive row with the rest of the passengers, the aftermath of which will last for several years.

Get out a sat nav, coolly program it, and arrive efficiently at your destination with several minutes to spare.

Drive around in beautiful circles, taking corners perfectly, elegantly passing wonderful landmarks, before falling asleep at the wheel.

Enjoy the ride anyway, no matter where you end up.

At a dinner party, you are most likely to …

… half enjoy the starter and main course, before making your excuses and leaving early.

… drink a little too much, become quite argumentative, lose a few friends, then eat too much cheese.

… wish you were eating sausages.

… push your food endlessly around the plate, thinking about great dinner parties of the recent past.

… get stuck in early on, aware that this isn’t for the likes of you so you may as well have your fill before you are booted out.

What are your feelings on the EU?

Um, er. Not sure.

We’re stuck with it.

It is our plaything to do with as we wish.

A useful source of funding.

A snazzy looking nightclub with bouncers who won’t let you in.

Your favourite type is music is what?

Britpop: once tipped to change the world but never quite managed it. Aged badly.

The 1812 Overture: occasionally transcendent, generally ends in explosions

Hardcore techno: there’s something about the relentless 4/4 beat.

Post-rock: beautiful, ethereal, technically brilliant, struggles to get to the point.

Modern pop: built on solid foundations, but ultimately a bit lightweight and lacking punch.

You are caught speeding in your car. The police want to put points on your licence. What do you do?

Howl about the injustice of it, burn effigies of the police officer. Fail to learn lesson.

Shrug, accept that it is part of life, go for a drink.

Accept the penalties, obviously.

Mount a theatrical argument against the punishment. Fall to the ground.

Point out how the world is biased against the little guy.

When working in a group, what role do you tend to take?

I make up for a lack of ability by yelling a lot and providing plenty of energy, not all of it perfectly directed.

I avoid teamwork wherever possible.

I am undeniably the leader.

Everyone is equally important, so everyone must be equally involved.

I muck in without much hope of recognition.

Which of the following quotes do you most identify with?

“It’s not denial, I’m just very selective about the reality I accept” – Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.

“It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them” – Pierre Beaumarchais.

“Order and simplification are the first steps towards mastery of a subject” – Thomas Mann.

“Logic will get you from A to B, imagination will get you everywhere” – Albert Einstein.

“Have a good time, all the time” – Viv Savage, Spinal Tap.

Which of the following most accurately describes your summer plans?

A last minute holiday when a couple of weeks become unexpectedly clear in early July.

A month-long party followed by a lot of clearing up.

The same as every year: a successful month away, meticulously booked and organised ages ago.

A walking tour with no particular destination in mind, just lots of nice things to see along the way.

Enviously peering at the nicer hotel that the neighbours are staying in.

If you are building a piece of flat-pack furniture, how do you go about it?

Ignore the instructions, put key parts in the wrong places, use a few favourite old bits of wood from the shed to round it off. Hope it doesn’t collapse, but deep down know it will.

Get halfway through making it, lose your temper, storm off.

Follow the instructions to the letter. End up with a solid piece of furniture.

Ignore the instructions, but spend hours meticulously working with each piece until you end up with something beautiful to the eye, a bit pointless, and not what you set out to build.

Build a reasonably successful cupboard before being patronised by everyone that sees it for how clever you are.

Congratulations, you are ENGLAND!

Congratulations, you are FRANCE!

Congratulations, you are GERMANY!

Congratulations, you are SPAIN!

Congratulations, you are ALBANIA!

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