The Fiver | Then the transfer window opened, and now the internet is full

In today’s Fiver: Romelu Lukaku, t1t-for-tat in League Two and more

The internet was once assumed to be infinite, an ever-expanding philosophical arena with no boundaries or limits, a technological playground transcending time, a concept stretching out forever into space. But then the transfer window opened, and now the internet is full. There’s no room left! It’s stuffed to the brim, you see, with angry football fans bemoaning the sheer ineptitude of those in charge at their club of choice. The reason? All of their summer business has yet to be concluded. The window’s only been open for 161 hours! It’s completely disproportionate and irrational rage, the sort usually displayed by callers to phone-in shows upon being asked to name just one of the EU laws they say they don’t like, or Mike Ashley when a business associate takes longer than three-and-a-half minutes to get back from the bar with the next round of pints. But this is where we are.

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