The Fiver | The route to glorified kickabouts masquerading as top-flight football

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If those tasked with getting the Premier League – or at the very least some vaguely recognisable, albeit zombified version of it that might pass muster with broadcasters to whom they are contractually obliged – up and running again were hoping for urgently-needed guidance from the prime minister during his address to the nation on Sunday night, they were left sorely disappointed. In a wide-ranging waffle-salad that left most of the nation totally confused about what exactly they are and are not allowed to do, and with whom they are and aren’t allowed do it, Boris Johnson made no mention whatsoever of professional sport in general or football in particular.

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