The Fiver | Eyeing up a nearby shelving unit to take his frustration out on

In today’s Fiver: Antonio Conte’s striking problems, Wayne Rooney’s nightwear and Fred Elliott’s nephew Ashley from Coronation Street

The Fiver, being more used to moving in the circles of Tin enthusiasts than the smart and businesslike elites of the football world, has never met Antonio Conte. We don’t know him, we don’t know what he’s really like, what pushes his buttons, tickles his fancy or grinds his gears. But we do suspect we know this much: you probably wouldn’t like Antonio when he’s angry. And one assumes he’s reasonably angry right now. Very angry. Extremely angry. Begbie-at-the-end-of-Trainspotting-when-he-realises-Renton-has-scarpered-with-the-money-so-trashes-that-hotel-room angry. We certainly wouldn’t want to be the person who told him that Manchester United had signed Stormz ... sorry, Romelu Lukaku, and certainly not in a room full of fragile and smash-upable items like lamps, chairs and Cesc Fàbregas.

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