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The Fiver | Chomping down on bait proffered by famously subtle goading

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The Fiver’s bagpipes-playing, kilt-wearing, deep-fried haggis-eating Scottish cousin Shortbread McFiver was rudely awoken on Monday morning by the ferocious din of black metal-loving scaffolders across the street, banging, clanging and listening to the monster riffola of Gorgoroth as they went about their work outside his bothy. At least that’s what Shortbread thought until he looked and realised there was no sign of any builders – he’d actually just come around in a ditch in Kazakhstan and the noises were all in his throbbing, ginger heid!

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