Shakhtar Donetsk's slick passing and dangerous breaks upset Chelsea's momentum in the home side's deserved 2-1 victory
Kick off is at 7.45pm (BST). Evening everyone. Having been rather surprised to be asked to write the Fiver – I hadn't read the email – I had a rather unhinged rant about ITV using its first pick on Tuesday nights to show Man Utd v Braga. It then dawned on me that I ought to read the emails to make sure that I wasn't actually MBMing it myself. Thankfully I'm not or I'd look even more of a tremendous ar$e than normal.
Any road. This looks like a corker, the defending champions against Shakhtar. You can read this fine piece by Jonathan Wilson on Henrikh Mkhitaryan. Brain muesli. You can also read this neat Dave Hytner preview on Chelsea. Armband has become synonymous with captaincy. Perhaps it was ever thus. I don't like it, or the fetishisation of it.
Back with the teams asap.
Here are your teams:
Shakhtar Donetsk: Pyatov; Srna, Kucher, Rakitskiy, Rat; Hubschman, Fernandinho; Alex Teixeira, Mkhitaryan, Willian; Luiz Adriano.
Subs: Kanibolotskiy, Stepanenko, Eduardo, Gai, Douglas Costa, Kryvtsov, Ilsinho.
Chelsea: Cech, Ivanovic, Terry, David Luiz, Cole; Ramires,
Mikel; Lampard, Oscar, Mata; Torres.
Subs: Turnbull, Romeu, Hazard, Sturridge, Cahill, Azpilicueta, Bertrand.
Referee: Damir Skomina (Slovenia)
Hazard on the bench. Ooh.
Three 99s please: Did you know that both Darijo Srna and Ashley Cole have 99 caps? Oh. How about that Chelsea have conceded 99 goals in the Champions League to date? That's absolutely fascinating.
Where've you been? "Is now the time to congatulate Mr Wilson on a fine double? Having been a contestant on University Challenge in the 90s," writes Gary Naylor, "his biog of Brian Clough was the subject of a question last week. And some call Man Utd's 1999 season an achievement." I saw that, Gary. Paxo on Wilson. Was he really on UC as a contestant? I was dressed down by Bamber Gascoigne and removed to the back row of the audience many years back when it was still filmed at Granada. Not my finest hour.
"Fiver clairvoyance," writes Philippa Booth, "I note that of the three MBM-ers on duty this evening, Barney 'Man U v Braga' Ronay is the last to check in. Looks like he agrees with you. Nivver bother, Phil. He has arrived a la Lord Flashheart. Knocked off a preamble, embarked on an eloquent discourse on his abhorrence of the "riff" concept and shot off to the canteen.
Make this golf go away. It has hurrah. And been replaced by Razor Butchmondo Wilkins. Double hurrah. John is fully focused apparently.
Bobby D as I believe Gabriele Marcotti calls him on the Game podcast – other podcasts are available – has had a tactical tweak. He's gone for 4-3-3 with Frankie Lampard Jr, as he was once known, Mikel and Ramires as the trio. "Lovely threesome they make" as a colleague once said, oblivious to the rest of us going all Finbarr Saunders puce.
1 min: We're off. Proper main camera angle here which is more than can be said for Chelsea's last match. The central camera at White Hart Lane is far too high. It gives me the right hump. Shakhtar have won the toss and elected to bat … er … kick off. Kucher sends up a huge volleyed clearance and Chelsea come back with Torres and Oscar linking up with Mata who hooks in a cross behind the centre-forward and Shakhtar bustle it up field.
GOAL!! Shakhtar 1-0 Chelsea (Alex Teixeira) David Luiz cut out a pass from Rakitskiy intended for Willian and gave away a throw. Chelsea didn't get organised with any particular haste and when the throw came in to the left of the box, Willian cut inside, claimed for a handball when he moved it across the area and it was intercepted by Terry and fell to Alex Teixeira who steered it across Cech and into the kkeeper's right-hand corner.
5 min: You might have to refresh to get that Pulitzer-prize winning goal description. Very sloppy defending from Chelsea. But they look much better going forward, Mikel getting a foot in and recycling it quickly forward to Oscar who shoots from 22 yards, with little power, and Pyatov gathers.
7 min: "As with captaincy not being the same, so with Scrabble," writes Ian Copestake. "I have just dragged myself away from an online Scrabble game with someone who is amassing huge scores using words like yu and um. My blood is boiling so much that wondering what a Being John Terry documentary would be like is offering sane distraction." You forgot the colon, Ian. Friday night, Channel 5. The only thing more embarrassing than Thursday night, Channel 5. Torres slips the ball past Srna but gets it tied up between his feet.
10 min: Mata brings the ball out of defence, makes 30 yards and feeds Torres who seems to slip with his back to goal on the edge of the box. He tries to slow the counter by committing a foul and gets a lecture from the ref for his infraction.
12 min: Willian looks very lively, moving from left to centre, occasionally over to the right. Just then he almost played in Alex Teixeira breaking past Cole on the left of Chelsea's defence but David Luiz hooked his pass away.
14 min: Chelsea enjoy a prolonged period of possession, shuffling the ball from flank to flank with Lampard as the pivot distributing but when the ball is at last knocked forward it comes back at them far too quick, Lampard goes down and Willian storms into the space left by the midfielder and shoots over the bar.
16 min Lampard is injured, self-inflicted partially when he slipped and kicked his own ankle which then twisted. Before Eden Hazard comes on, Mkhitaryan and Willian link up with Willian's shot blocked out for a corner.
19 min Apologies – having a bit of a nightmare here over timings, the clock on our feed is cropped off at the side. Anyway. Hazard almost immediately bursts through the middle on to Mata's pass but Pyatov sprints out to dive and smother it.
21 min Deep cross from Ivanovic after more clever, quick work from Mata. Pyatov gathers at the far post, picking it off Torres's head. Cole puts his hands on the keeper's shoulders, who goes down like Neil Warnock's sack of spuds. Cole is booked.
23 min The impressive Fernandinho again gets time on the ball just past the centre-circle and dinks a pass to Willian's feet on the left of the area. He jinks inside and tries to curl a ball inbetween Ceceh and his left-post but it's too close to the keeper.
25 min Quick break from Chelsea with Torres beaten to the ball by Pyatov when put through the middle but the Spaniard recovers the ball, moves right, keeps it with fine control but all the while Shakhtar have begun to regroup so that when he crosses it's cut out and Shakatak break like lightning with Hübschmann and Willian playing in Mkhitaryan on the left. He sprints into the box, drags it back towards the penalty spot and Chelsea clear.
28 min Both sides are very gung ho. I haven't seen a Champions League slugfest like this for years. Some clever passing, too, but loads of quick breaks upfield by both sides.
29 min Fernandinho now brings the ball past halfway, looks up and diddles it through to Mkhitaryan who spins and sort of slices his shot, dragging the top pf his boot across it which makes it swerve but without the power.
31 min Luiz Adriano wins a free-kick, claiming that John Terry cuffed him. Speaking of him, Ian Copestake has gone all profound: "(
I'm pretty convinced that a documentary of our once proud England captain would show that he does not in fact exist, that he is modern football's worst nightmare made real, a projection of all our worst fears and secret desires. Basically he's football's Tyler Durden."
33 min Luiz now wins a free kick off David Luiz by backing in. They used to call that "making a back" for the defender and the referee keeps buying it. Jack Charlton in the 1966 World Cup final: "He's made a back, ref. He's made a back." Cue quizzical look. Torres again scampers through when Mata gets it into the box. His runs are dangerous but the ball finds him in areas that are just too wide at the moment.
35 min Good saunter from Ivanovic who tries to Ricky Villa his way into the box from the right but has the ball nicked off his toe by Hubschmann. Shakhtar break quickly but Mikel drops back to cover Ivanovic's raid and stops the momentum.
37 min Mkhitaryan shoots from the right of the 18-yard box, just from the edge having been played in by Willian. He moved his body right to try and throw the defender then clips his shot and Cech parries it over. The corner pinballs around the box for a minute or so until Chelsea finally manage to get a biggish boot on it.
39 min Chelsea are wearing the Emperor's New Clothes at the back tonight, giving up a corner thanks to Srna's attacking raid up the right. In comes the corner, missed by every blue shirt, leaving Rakitskiy to shoot into the ground and Hunschmann to skew his deflection weakly and straight at Cech who turns it behind.
41 min He didn't skew it straight at Cech. The keeper had to get down low. Watch, type, type, watch. You end up doing neither properly. Fernandinho now has a shot from just in front of the penalty area, scooped up by Cech. They're letting Shakhtar run riot between the centre-halfs and three midfielders.
43 min Cross from Ivanovic on the right to Torres who tries a horizontal, hook volley, a right-footed Ronnie Whelan special but he has to reach around his marker to get there and so can't get the power and the keeper catches it easily.
45 min Finally it calms down for a minute or it did until Oscar and Hazard cross their wires and the Brazilian runs straight into the Belgian on the touchline and gives away a throw in.
Half time Shakhtar could have scored four. Steven Forstneger writes: "Loving that article on young Mkhitaryan. But, it's missing one crucial element: Um, how do you say it?" Um's a good starting point. We have Alan Parry on commentary. he's gone for UM CATARRH IAN. I thought maybe a silent M? Calling Armenia …
Half-time emails "'Type, type,w atch, you end up doing neither properly'," quotes Jez Mawson. "Perhaps if you stayed focused on the game in hand that we actually want to hear about it'd be fine! Your needless similes and metaphors are tedious." I'm all about the needless, Jez. Come here often? And here's Scot Dufton: "Mi mlived min marmenia mfor mseveral myears mand mthe msilent mm's mexactly mright." Mta.
46 min Cole, taking a far more advanced position straight from the kick off, passes infield to the edge of the box where Oscar lays it back to Ramires. He taps it to Torres who's shot hits the back of Hazard and bounces away from goal.
48 min Ramires has a rangy run from the centre-circle to the edge of the Shakhtar box before being dispossessed by Rakitskiy. Willian injects some urgency into his break, hurtling forward until stopped by David Luiz.
50 min A break in play while Hazard and Fernandinho are given treatment after being caught in separate incidents, Hazrad a knock on the ankle from Srna after Cole knocked over Fernandinho to free the ball forward for Hazard.
GOAL!! Shakhtar 2-0 Chelsea (Fernandinho) Hazard, who had only been back on the field for seconds, is caught in possession on halfway by Fernandinho who taps it forward to Willian. He advances and lays it off to the man who began the attack and he clipped his shot firmly past Cech.
53 min Hazard has a snap shot a few seconds after the kick off, looks as though it was dipping wide but Pyatov tips it wide all the same.
55 min Rats plays a 50-yard ball from the left-back position just inside his own half up to Luiz Adriano but David Luiz reads it and powers a header up, Hazard jinks through and wins a corner that just goes over the top of Terry's head on the near-post run.
57 min Ramires takes a leaf from Hazard's book and opts to have a shot from distance, belting a stinging, swerving shot from 35 yards on the run that Pyatov has to batter away.
59 min "So do Armenians pronounce 'Armenia' as 'Ar-Eenia'?" asks Harry Tuttle. Ha. Is that needless, tedious, neither, or both? Fernandinho is having an immense game, sending a fizzing shot inches wide from 30 yards. That was Shakhtar's 16th effort on goal, 12 of them on target.
61 min Torres claims for a penalty when he looks as though he was shoved in the back when trying to leap to nod in Mata's cross. Mata had done very well to drag his marker to the right before cutting back on to his left to clip in a cross into the six-yard box.
63 min Srna, who required treatment after that challenge on Torres, trots back on and wins a free kick almost immediately. Since the second goal Shakhtar are moving the ball more laterally than before and happy to knock it back deep if under pressure.
65 min Nice ball from Ivanovic gets pushed on to Torrse who has drifted down the right touchline. He gets Rakitskiy on to the back foot but his cross goes straight down Pyatov's throat.
67 min Torres has come deep for the ball and frees Hazard on a run from 30 yards with a neat touch. Kuchar trips him rather than let him pass. Chelsea free-kick, looking for David Luiz but the best he can win is a corner. From the set-piece the Battyesquely prolific Mikel hooks his volley miles over the bar.
69 min Matt Dony has put his fine mind to good use: "Based on the available evidence, Shakhtar would be comfortably at the top of the Premier League. Pure, incontrovertible logic." Too true, Matt. Srna, wide on the right, cuts the ball into the box to Willian, who turns and rolls it back to Fernandinho who scuffs his shot from 15 yards across goal and six feet wide of Cech's right post.
71 min Chelsea substitution: Sturridge on for Torres and seconds after another Shakhtar shot flies dangerously close to the bar.
73 min Admirable stuff from Shakhtar. Srna turning Cole then running at him, laying it off to Willian, one-two with Fernandinho and on to Luiz Adriano who just has his shot squeezed out after nine slick passes. Seconds later Mkhitaryan clips a firm shot that's too straight and Cech dives forward to gather it. Alex Moonshine, not at all a partisan, writes on the shooter: "It's actually sound more like "M-HIT-ARE-IAN" (K is silent). At least, this is the Ukrainian (and Russian) way of pronouncing that ba$tard's name (greetings from Kyiv)."
76 min Mikel saves Chelsea with a diving interception when Mkhitaryan almost played the killer pass to set Luiz Adriano clear through on Cech. What an important player he's become.
78 min Alex Teixeira tries to make a mug of John Terry, twisting him this way and that out by the left touchline until Terry has enough and knocks him over.
79 min From the free-kick Hubschmann misses an easier chance than the one he squandered in the first half. Luiz Adriano headed back across goal and the defensive midfielder stuck out a leg instinctively and steered it an inch wide of the post. Chelsea broke quickly from the goal kick, Hazard skipping past Kucher but Pyatov got down quickly to block it.
81 min Shakhtar substitution: Ilsinho for Alex Teixeira after Sturridge shot over from just outside the box, dragging the ball on to his left foot, opening his body but just getting underneath it after decent work from Mikel to get him into position.
83 min Oh dear. Some after you Claude stuff in the Chelsea penalty area with no one making a decisive tackle as Srna tries to work an opening on the right but the offside trap comes to Chelsea's rescue.
85 min Hubschmann sends Ramires flying by stepping directly into his path with some force. We wait for treatment.
86 min Chelsea free-kick 30 yards out, taken by David Luiz and larruped straight at the wall.
87 min Shakhtar sub: Willian off, Douglas Costa on. Fine performance from Willian.
GOAL!! Shakhtar 2-1 Chelsea (Oscar) Tap in from Oscar after a fine penetrative run up the right from Ivanovic after good work from Sturridge. The right back stormed into the box, threw the defender with a check and a shimmy then cut it back perfectly to Chelsea's own Brazilian maestro to roll it in.
89 min Rats comes forward on to his left footy, looking for the cross but Mikel gets the block in and Chelsea go through the middle. When Mikel gets the ball back on halfway, he wins the free-kick when Fernandinho clips his ankle. Three minutes of added time.
90 min+1 The free-kick loops straight into Pyatov's arms. Up the other end Ilsinho clutches his face after Ramires tackles him strongly. His face wasn't touched in the slightest.
90 min+3 Brilliant, sliding tackle from Ivanovic gives Chelsea seconds to launch an attack but the ref blows the whistle for full time before they can get it into the box.
Full time: Shakhtar Donetsk 2-1 Chelsea With Nordsjaelland drawing 1-1 with Juventus, Chelsea are second in the table with four points, one ahead of Juve. Shakhtar have seven. Excellent performance from Shakhtar, thrilling link-up play between Willian, Fernandinho, Mkhitaryan, Alex Teixeira and the evergreen Srna. Chelsea looked good in patches going forward but the speed with which the Ukrainians shifted the ball on the edge of the final third caused lost of problems. Fine game to watch, though. That's me done for a few weeks. Thanks for your emails (well, most of them). Good night.