One more serving of stimulation and we might explode | World Cup Fiver

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“Colombia in fear of a Kaning!” roars the Sun, whose highly trained operatives have spent the days before tonight’s game against Colombia putting a curly wig on a statue of Carlos Valderrama in his home town and playing a bugle outside Colombia’s team hotel even after someone asked them not to. They also dispatched a reporter to Bogotá to canvas the views of whichever England-fearing locals they could find. “Everyone in Colombia knows Harry Kane can destroy us,” blubbed taxi driver Philipe Sanches, 51. “My family is speaking of nothing but him,” weebled shop worker Sofia Spirez, 23. On the sports pages, they exhort the England team to “keep calm and Harry on”.

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