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Football transfer rumours: Wilfried Bony to Manchester City for £30m?

Today’s tattle has been shot in one, long, continuous take

Manchester City have decided that the farce of Swansea City being allowed to have a good player has gone on long enough and will put a stop to this wanton tomfoolery, which will only result in the end of the world as we know it if it is allowed to continue, by signing Wilfried Bony for £30m. Swansea have had their fun and we’ve all had a great laugh but enough is enough. Let’s just hope they haven’t developed any ideas above their station.

Steven Gerrard, it says here, has jetted off to Los Angeles with a view to sealing his move to LA Galaxy from Liverpool. Maybe, or perhaps he’s going to try his luck in Hollywood. He’s always seemed the artistic type, after all, and he does have a good sense of drama. Laugh all you want but the Mill’s money is on Gerrard having a walk-on part in the next Transformers movie. Liverpool, meanwhile, are moving on and have stolen a march on Internazionale in the race to sign Bayern Munich’s Xherdan Shaqiri, theirs for £10m.

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