Football transfer rumours: Víctor Valdés to Liverpool?

Today's tell-all is feeling every day of its old age

Liverpool will attempt to shore up their decidedly porous defence from the goal-line out, by replacing the occasionally flappy Simon Mignolet with Víctor Valdés, who long ago announced his intention to leave Barcelona this summer. A keen windsurfer, the goalkeeper could well have his head turned by the prospect of availing of the Liverpool Watersports Centre's modestly priced board hire rates with free safety cover.

Preposterously handsome Italian footballer Claudio Marchisio has no interest in windsurfing, preferring instead to spray himself in perfume, read books about astrology and gad about in Dolce & Gabbana pants. Despite these myriad shortcomings, the Juventus midfielder has also been linked with a move to Liverpool, while Arsenal and Manchester United are also believed to be sniffing around. Happy to admit to moisturising daily, Marchisio was rather more coy when asked about interest from England.

"Sometimes I have received phone calls from agents who told me of the interest of clubs such as Arsenal, Manchester United and Liverpool," he said. "But no one from these clubs, however, has never contacted directly us. And in case I would tell them to talk to Juve."

A host of doe-eyed suitors are believed to be forming an orderly queue outside the Etihad upon hearing that Edin Dzeko has apparently been informed is free to go to any club willing to pay £15m for a very large Bosnian striker who'll be expecting wages of £150,000 per week in exchange for sporadic bursts of goal-scoring activity. Dzeko has a little over a year left on a contract that City have no intention of renewing and the Champions League also-rans will mull over bids from Inter, Borussia Dortmund, Napoli, Arsenal and any of the many other European clubs believed to be interestested in bringing him on board.

Certain newspapers who were falling over themselves to accuse Arsenal of making up the hamstring injury that sidelined Mesut Özil during Arsenal's defeat at the hands of Bayern Munich on Tuesday night are now reporting that the midfielder could be out for up to six weeks with his imaginary ailment. Despite the expert diagnoses of some of the press box's finest medical experts, it seems Arsenal decided to send their prize asset for a scan last night and are expected to reveal the full extent of his non-existent injury later today.

With both Ben Watson and Chris McCann out for the rest of the season, Wigan Athletic are hoping to bring Jack Rodwell in on an emergency loan from Manchester City. Having failed dismally to make an impression at the Etihad since his £13m move from Everton in the summer of 2012, the 23-year-old is expected to re-sign for the Merseyside club, at a significant loss to City, come season's end.

In speculation that might come as a surprise to everyone who had completely forgotten that Marko Marin is still a Chelsea player, Marko Marin has let it be known that he would not be adverse to severing his ties with the club. Bought from Werder Bremen 18 months ago, then farmed out on loan to Seville after a half-dozen appearances, the German midfielder told some Spanish newspaper or other that "if Sevilla and me are happy to stay I can stay here forever."

And having denied his own club a penalty with the kind of heart-warming honesty that is universally lauded until a player on your team does it, Werder Bremen captain Aaron Hunt could be punished for his sportsmanship with a move to Tottenham Hotspur, who will have to do battle with Bayer Leverkusen and Borussia Monchengladbach in their attempt to bring the midfielder to north London. © 2014 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

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