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Football transfer rumours: David Brooks to Manchester United?

Today’s nonsense didn’t get a cake

Manchester United “have agreed to pay £55m” to sign Aaron Wan-Bissaka from Crystal Palace. After weeks of negotiating a fee for the scorer of one of the finest own goals you’ll ever see, they’ve finally done it. Ed Woodward has finally done it! He really has! Hooray for Ed! They’ll be building a statue of him outside Old Trafford any day now! Forget the Sir Alex Ferguson Stand – how about the Sir Ed Woodward Stand? It has a nice ring to it. Except … hang on … hang on a minute … look here … oh … it says here … “contrary to earlier reports” … oh … oh dear … Manchester United and Crystal Palace haven’t agreed a £55m fee for Aaron Wan-Bissaka. Oh. Oh dear. Oh Ed. Cancel the statue.

Related: Everton set to land £22m Gomes but Burnley hit by Heaton contract blow

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