A run on Neutradol all across the historic county of Lancashire

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As you will clearly remember, and there’s no need to go back and check, the Fiver yesterday unequivocally predicted serious trouble ahead for Manchester United. Yes sir. And so it came to pass, as José Mourinho’s absurdly ponderous side delivered a Big Cup performance which stank out the metropolitan borough of Greater Manchester so badly there’s been a run on Neutradol all across the historic county of Lancashire. It’s being said that cans of the original aerosol spray are swapping hands for upwards of £100, while the black market economy for other products in the world’s No 1 odour-neutralising range has spiralled out of control to the extent that if you want any meadow-fresh carpet deodorizer you might have to turn a few tricks. Meanwhile Mourinho has been drenched in so much spittle-flecked opprobrium that his critics make Jamie Carragher look like a man suffering from a serious case of xerostomia. Oh José! How could you!

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